


How Do I Convince You I Love You?

by jasmineisland



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmineisland/pseuds/jasmineisland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for h/c Bingo on LJ<br/>Set after Season 7 Time for a Wedding- Dean is convinced that Sam is leaving for good. Sam it desperate to convince Dean that he’s not. Amulet fix, first-time wincest</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[h/c bingo card](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/3483.html)

Title: How Do I Convince You I Love You?

Prompt: Learning to Be Loved

Medium: meta

Characters: Sam/Dean eventually

Word Count: 2812

Warning: non-graphic Wincest

Word Count: 2812

Summary: Set after Season 7 Time for a Wedding- Dean is convinced that Sam is leaving for good. Sam it desperate to convince Dean that he’s not. Amulet fix, first-time wincest

It was close to midnight when Dean heard the door knob rattle. Before he could get to his feet, the door opened to reveal Sam, who turned from him to shut the door.

“You decided to come back.”

The sarcastic biting tone surprised Sam. “Oh, come on, you’re not still pissed at me.”

“Well, you pack your shit, take off, and I’m not supposed to be pissed?”

“Pack my….. I took the laundry, dumb-ass!” Throwing his duffle on his bed, Sam ripped it open. It was overloaded with clothes. “Guess you didn’t take a shower. You would have realized I had all your fucking clothes with me.”

“Laundry?” The bottle of Jack Dean had been working on was making it hard to process what Sam was saying. Until several pairs of folded, clean shorts hit him in the face. “But…. All your weapons, nothing’s here.”

“Christ, Dean. Everything’s locked in the trunk of the Impala. ‘cept for the glock I carry.” Pulling it out, Sam laid it on the table. “No room with all the dirty clothes. So I took the laundry and my laptop and you thought, what, I took off on you?”

Literally unable to admit to his brother what he was thinking, Dean glared at him. “That IS your M.O.”

Hazel eyes dropped to the ground and the younger man sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you I know I was wrong? I thought we were finally past this.”

“Guess not. Sent a text, you didn’t even let me know where you were.”

“Shit. That, I am sorry for. My phone’s in the glove box. I didn’t realize it until I was over at Starbucks and, yeah, I was still pissed. Didn’t want to come back and get it.”

“Starbucks?” It slipped out. Still intent on not letting Sam know how much his disappearing act had affected him, Dean cursed himself.

“Yeah. After I got done with the laundry, I went over there. I had coffee, a sandwich, and bumped their wireless for a few hours.” There was no heat behind Sam’s words. His brother might try like hell to hide it, but Sam knew what the thought of him taking off did to the older Winchester. “I don’t know what to do, here, Dean. I’m not going to take off again.”

The Jack was definitely leading the conversation, and Dean jumped up to get in Sam’s face before he could stop himself. “You’re not? How can we get past this when you keep….. fucking….. doing it..” He poked his finger in Sam’s chest with each word. “I can’t look at you right now- go on without me. YOUR words, Sammy.”

For about ten seconds, Sam’s temper flared. Even Dean had to admit when Sam’s muscles flexed, he was pretty fucking scary. As suddenly as he tensed, he released a breath and sat on the foot of the bed. “What do I say, here? You knew how bad of a place I was in. I needed you to let me know what was real and what wasn’t. Kinda pulled the rug out from under me when I found out you lied to me. That you thought I was nutballs.”

“I thought you were nutballs? Who the fuck says that?”

Shaking his head, the younger man stared up at his brother. “SO not the point. But I never said I was leaving for good. I never said anything about never seeing you again. I was scared, I was pissed, but most of all,” Sam decided to just spit it out and lay everything out for Dean. “I was hurt. You knew how I felt about Amy. You knew I identified with her. And finding out you killed her made me wonder if the other shoe was going to fall for me where you were concerned. If you were going to tell me you trusted me and shove a knife in my back.”

A hand cuffed the side of Sam’s head sharply. “I ought to kick your ass for even thinking that.”

“I know! I just…. God Dammit, I was still trying to separate real from my fucked up head. I was fucking hanging onto  you more than I did when I was 5 and yeah, that son of a bitch Leviathan used that.” Staring into his hands, Sam’s voice grew quiet. “He liked his meat bitter.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Sam shook his head. “I’ve had a lot of time to think today, and I’m thinking maybe getting away from you at that point was the best thing for both of us.”

“How can  you say that?” Half convinced that Sam was about to say getting away from him now, for good, was coming, Dean moved back to his bed and sat down. “You saying you’re really leaving?”

“Jesus Christ, will you stop with the leaving? Shut up for five fucking  minutes and let me talk!”

“Fine. Talk.” With an exaggerated wave, Dean gestured for his brother to continue. “By all means.”

“Hard to have this conversation when you’re drunk, ya know that?” Sighing, Sam faced the older man. “I’m saying that I was hanging on by a thread. That thread was you. And it wasn’t right.”

“Don’t tell me what’s-“

“Shut. Up.” Again, hazel eyes met Dean’s evenly. “I had to figure out what was going on in my head. I needed to get my own shit together, and I had to get to the point that I didn’t need to you function anymore.”

There it was. What Dean had been fearing. Sam didn’t need him anymore. The alcohol did nothing to dull the pain Sam’s words shot through him. He reached for the bottle.

“Stop.” As if he knew where Dean was headed, Sam took the bottle out of his brother’s hands. “This is what I was thinking about today, Dean. I want you to hear this. I don’t NEED to be with you. That’s what you aren’t getting. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, because I WANT to be here.” Standing up, Sam moved to the space in front of Dean and kneeled. “Do you understand?”

“Yeah, sure. You want to be here.” Sarcasm dripped from the sentence.

“Dean, get some sleep. We’re finish this tomorrow before you open the bottle.”

Knowing that if he didn’t do something quickly, he would literally start to tell Sam all kinds of things he really didn’t want Sam to know, so he nodded. “Fine. Tomorrow. If you’re still here, since you don’t NEED me anymore.” 

  
[Part 2](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/9984.html)


	2. 2

Opening his eyes, Dean instinctively turned to the other bed. Sam wasn’t there. When he sat up, he realized he was alone in the room. Again. For a brief moment, Dean panicked. Maybe he’d finally pushed his brother away for good. Until he realized the keys to the Impala were gone. Whatever else, Sam would never disappear in Dean’s car. So he grabbed clean clothes- clothes that Sam had washed for him- and jumped in the shower. By the time he got out, Sam was sitting at the small table, to go cartons of food waiting for Dean.

“So how much actually sunk in last night?” Sam watched his brother take a sip of coffee.

“You got your shit together and don’t need me anymore.”

“Of course that’s all you’d get. I don’t know how to convince you I’m not going anywhere. I really want you to understand what I’m saying, Dean. You’re still my big brother. You’re still the best partner to hunt with I’ll ever get. But I can get up, get dressed, tie my shoes, and make Lucifer shut the fuck up all by myself. I want to be here. With you. Not because I’ll forget to put my god damn jeans on if you’re not here to tell me, but because I love you and you’re my best friend.”

“It was your fly.”

“What?”

Grinning, Dean shrugged. “You never forgot the jeans, but Jesus, for a while there I was afraid you’d never remember to zip your fly.”

Now Sam laughed. “I was six.”

“teen. You were sixteen, dumb-ass.”

“Look, I get it. You’re allergic to chick-flick moments. And I’m forcing one down your throat right now. But I really want you to understand this. Everything we’ve been through. Everything we’ve both ever done. All the shit I’ve pulled. All the major clusterfucks I’ve been personally responsible for. The fights, the times we’ve split up, the time we’ve both spent in hell. It all comes back to this. Us. Together.”

“You start singing one of those emo songs you love and I’ll kick your ass.”

Laughing, Sam leaned back in his chair. “I start singing and everyone that can hear me will help you.”

“Just so we’re clear on that.”

“Crystal.” He finished his coffee and stood. “Look, we both need to realize some things. I’m sorry I gave you the impression I was leaving for good. But you need to realize just because we were pissed at each other I wasn’t leaving for good. Because we’re both assholes when push comes to shove and we’re going to fight again. But I want to be here. Not because I have to be. I want to be.”

“Christ, Sammy. Sounds like you’re building up to hand me a ring.”

“No. Not a ring.” By the time Sam had the small bag out of his pocket, he was actually shaking. “Something I’m hoping you’ll like better.”

The sheer hope in the eyes meeting his was so deep, Dean couldn’t bring himself to say any of the sarcastic things that popped into his head. Taking the bag, he dumped it into his hand. When he saw his amulet, his throat tightened until he couldn’t say anything if he wanted to.

“I know. You threw it away. I snagged it. I…. I had it on when I jumped.”

“You were wearing it when you….?” Dean’s voice was a whisper.

“Yeah. It was still around my neck when Cass yanked me out. I remember not feeling anything when I looked at it, but knowing it was important. So I kept it.”

“Why…..”

“If you don’t want it, I understand.” Sam’s voice shook, but he continued. “I get it, I fucked up and-“

“Shut. Up.” When the younger man stopped, Dean took a breath and continued. “Why now? After all this time, why now?”

“When I gave it to you the first time, it was because you were there for me. Because I needed you and wanted you to know that I loved you for being there. I think that was when I realized you were more of a father to me then Dad ever was. Now? It’s not about needing you. It’s not about you being there for me. Well, I guess that’s still part of it. But it’s about loving you for being you.”

For a moment, neither spoke. Finally, Dean gave up trying to talk. Holding it up, he ducked his head a bit, hoping Sam would get the message. He was relieved when Sam took the necklace and put it around Dean’s neck. His hands were so gentle, Dean couldn’t stand it anymore and finally grinned.

“You always were an emo bitch. Next you’ll ask me to marry you.”

“I’m thinking that’s illegal pretty much everywhere.”

“Don’t be so sure of that, Sammy. In Mexico, it’s legal to fuck a donkey. Pretty sure for the right price they’d marry brothers.”

A loud laugh answered Dean. “You promised to never mention that again.”

“The donkey or the marriage?”

“Both. I was traumatized the last time you mentioned the donkey shows. And that marriage to Becky….”

“I wasn’t talking about Becky.”

“Then…….”

Knowing he had his brother, Dean stood and faced him. “You were six. And you told me that you were going to marry me when you grew up.”

“Bullshit.” 

 

“No bullshit, baby boy. You were sure of it.”

Blushing, Sam tried to respond, but his voice actually lowered to a husky whisper. “Guess I knew you were it for me.”

“Till Sandra gave you your first blow job in Oklahoma. It was over between us.” Dean laughed harder.

“Why is it you don’t remember the name of the half the girls that blew you or fucked you, but you know all of mine?”

“Meant more to me when they touched you.” Dean’s voice matched his brother’s.

Something shifted in Sam. Staring into his brother’s eyes, he wondered what the hell was going on. “Why?”

The answer was a shrug, and that confirmed to the younger Winchester that something important was happening. A feeling of hope ran through Sam and he moved closer to his brother. “Dean?”

“Nevermind, Sam. Leave it alone.”

“No. It meant more to you when someone put their hands on me? Why, Dean? Answer me.”

“You really want to know, Sam? ‘Cause I don’t think you do. I think all your bullshit about never leaving will go right out the window if I answer that question.”

“It’s not bullshit and I want the answer, Dean.”

“Fine.” Crossing the room, Dean stared into his brother’s eyes. “Do I remind you of your promises or do I say I’ll let you go if you want to walk after this?”

“Neither. I’m. Not. Leaving.” He stared into the green eyes that were boring into him. “Please tell me.”

“Because you were mine, okay? That what you want to hear, Sammy? That I knew the name of every girl and every guy that ever had their hands on you because I hated them. They had a part of you I couldn’t have. They did things to you that I could never do. And I wanted to.” Unable to fight tears, Dean forced himself to stand up and finish. “Third circle of hell, and I didn’t care. I wanted to take us both there.”

“Bullshit.”

“You son of a bitch! You insist that I give you the mother fucking chick flick moment of all mother fucking time and you call bullshit! Fuck you!” When Dean’s fist crossed Sam’s face, it was satisfying and horrifying at the same time.

“What the fuck?” Sam’s voice was muffled by the hand he was holding over his mouth. Crawling back to his feet, he stepped in front of Dean as he reached for the doorknob. “Now who’s running?”

“Get out of my way, Sam.”

“No. I don’t believe for one minute your bullshit about the third circle of hell.”

“What? That’s all you got out of that?”

“yeah, no.. Shit, Dean. I don’t know what version of what religion you’ve read, but I don’t buy it. All this time you’ve wanted me, felt the same way about me I feel about you and you never said anything because you read some bastardized version of some religion that said it would send us to hell?”

“Pretty sure there’s a lot of religious figures out there that would disagree with you, and-“ His voice literally cut off for a moment. “Feel the same way?”

“Pretty sure Cass smited most of the ones you’re talking about.” Sam moved closer. “And yeah, I said feel the same way.”

“Your my little brother, Sam.” When Sam snorted at that, Dean slapped his arm. “You know what I mean, Sasquatch. You looked up to me, trusted me. How the fuck was I supposed to take advantage of that?”

“Not taking advantage now, Dean. I’m standing here. Telling you that I love you and I want you. I want to be here. With you.”

“How? After everything-”

“You’ve been everything to me as long as I could remember. And yeah, I can see you not wanting to do anything while I was still a kid and needed you to play mother, father, best friend, protector. I don’t need that, Dean. I want my brother and best friend to be my lover. Can you understand that?” Gripping Dean’s face gently, he moved closer. “I. Love. You.”

“Jesus, Sammy.” As scared as Dean was, he couldn’t refuse the look on Sam’s face. Or the feel of those huge hands on his cheek.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you, Dean. You’re standing here shaking because I told you I love you. I fucked you up and over so many times that I don’t know how to convince you that I really love you and want to be here.”

“I’m trying, here, man. Not like people have ever lined up to say they love me, even before they knew everything about me.”  
“Get used to it. Queen of chick flick moments, remember?” Sam smiled before he pushed Dean against the wall and kissed him. “Not to mention the best fuck you’ll ever have.”

“Prove it, Sammy.” A shudder literally ran through Sam and Dean smiled. Definitely something to a nickname kink to explore.


End file.
